Thursday, January 19, 2017

5 Quirky Things You Should Know From the Life of Mike Hartner

5 Quirky Things You Should Know From the Life of Mike Hartner

My Name is Mike Hartner, and I write The Eternity Series.

1.  I like historical fiction, with a bit of a twist. Alexandre Dumas wrote the story of D’Artagnan, starting with The Three Musketeers.    But, there were definitely Four of them.  (Athos, Porthos, Aramis, and D’Artagnan).  That series contained seven books.  Or his other book,  the world’s greatest Revenge story, The Count of Monte Cristo.  The political and social comment on  France during those times was amazing.  And the same for Victor Hugo and his comments  in Les Miserables.   \
But my all-time favorite was Geoffrey Chaucer and The Canterbury Tales.  He and other authors challenged each other to tell the tales of the lives of the people that were traveling with them.  So, he told the stories of the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker.  Of the knight-errant the innkeeper, and the mead maker.   Each of these was stories as common as you or I, and reading about them, though baudy at times, was also humorous and fun.

2.  I am a modern court jester.  I am the fool, the jack of all trades, and master of very few.  In my life so far, I’ve been: A computer technician, a network analyst and administrator; a tutor and teacher of mathematics; and of history; a part-time genealogist; a short order cook, and a bartender.  But mostly, for me, it’s not about the job.  It’s about the people around me.

3. I am a husband and father.  And those are the two careers I take the most seriously, and the ones of which I am most proud.  My son is an excellent student and a wonderful athlete, and gets along well with his peers, which is a great thing.  And in a couple of years, he will graduate high school.  Regardless of his memories of the school, I hope that one of them will include knowing that I was always his #1 supporter.

4. My son’s social life in school is 1000 times better than I ever achieved.   He currently has a handful of people he’s been friends with since K.  That’s eleven years, so far.  I can count on one hand, with fingers left over the number of people who were friends with me when I graduated high school.  And only one of them is still speaking tome.   And MOST of my problem was …

5.  I spent the first twenty-six years of my life very epileptic.  My seizures were due to a lot of things, including salt, sugar, stress, strobe lights, exhaustion, and many other causes. But, I’m free of that now, and Good Lord Willing, it will never come back.


6.  My quirkiest talent is my old-fashioned (mostly southern) sayings.  I use y’all and you’se. I commonly am busier than a ‘long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs,’ or a ‘one armed paper hanger.’ And every lady is a ‘young lady’ even if they’re ‘older than dirt, and look it, too.’  Some people I know “Look like a million bucks:  ALL green and wrinkled.’  And I laugh at nearly all the jokes that have been told to me.  THAT started when I was a kid… y’see I was the oldest of four boys, and it was MY responsibility to laugh at all dad’s non-PC jokes so that my kid brothers would learn the same. All of the leper colony jokes, or the blond jokes, or the Polish jokes, the German jokes, the Jewish jokes, the Asian jokes, and yes, even the lawyer jokes.  PC or not folks, and I’m NOT PC, laughter is, as Readers’ Digest has said for many years, the best medicine.

FAVORITE LAWYER JOKE:    This joke came from a former candidate for civic office.  He was a lawyer, and being interviewed by a reporter who as the last question asked him: What’s your favorite lawyer joke? Three days later, the paper’s Letters to the Editor column was filled with lawyers chastising him for making fun of them. 
Q:  What do lawyers have in common with sperm?
A Both have a one in a billion chance of being human.

Years and years ago, a blonde friend of mine told me that this had happened to her over a weekend, and she was still not sure how to react.   Her home’s back porch screen door, like those in all four of the block’s surrounding her, opened to a city park and playground for the kids.  One weekend , the six-year-old son comes into the house yelling, “Mommy, Mommy… What does a blonde have in common with a patio door?”
“The more you bang it, the looser it gets.” This coming to a blonde mother from her six year old son.  She wasn’t sure whether to beat the kid within an inch of his life or to laugh out loud.  And she was blonde.

About the Author

Mike Hartner was born in Miami in 1965. He’s traveled much of the continental United States. He has several years post secondary education, and experience teaching and tutoring young adults. Hartner has owned and run a computer firm for more than twenty-five years. He now lives in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, with his wife and child. They share the neighborhood and their son with his maternal grandparents.
Mike’s latest book is I, Angus (The Eternity Series Book 4).
For More Information
About the Book:

Title: I, Angus
Author: Mike Hartner
Publisher: Eternity 4 Popsicle Publishing
Pages: 260
Genre: Historical Fiction

During a time of civil strife and purging the North has lost more men to Wars then it ever did to Nature.

Angus has grown up learning that his life is better off with only him and a family. But is that really in the Grand Plan.

The North needs someone to build community.

But first, Angus needs to be forged... beaten, shaped, bolded and trained.

Watch as Angus hits both lows and highs across the lands of England, Scotland and France, before meeting a challenge of new land.


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